I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
