you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
