He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
