I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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