Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
