Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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