dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
