when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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