I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Dear god my vagina.
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