then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Randomize
