i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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