you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
