Cold hands, warm shart.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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