At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
