i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
