somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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