just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
