"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
