the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
