I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
