I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
