The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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