Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
