Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
