found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I wish there were birth control emojis
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
