Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
