so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
