I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
