Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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