hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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