Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
