I am in a vortex of obligation.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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