I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
