I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
