she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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