do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
