i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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