So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
