Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
