Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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