You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
