Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
