$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
