He uses pillows to masturbate.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
