If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
worst night to have a conscience
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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