I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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