After last night, I could never be a politician.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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