Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
that's an acceptable place to lick
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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