i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
