even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
