im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Alive.
So much puke
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
